Not sure what it means yet?

A fund has been created in Shawn's name and the legal process started for rights to his publicity, not quite sure if I have that right yet?  So, I don't yet know what that means, I have an email out to get more information.  I am hoping that I won't have to bleep ***** his name in my posts, etc.  I think it is an awesome idea, that makes sense, and I hope that I can contribute to these efforts.  It is weird to think that in speaking of my brother or remembering him, that I may be walking on eggshells, and I am hoping it is not the case.  We'll have to wait and see.  All that truly matters is that he is continuing to make a difference on this earth, inspiring hope, raising awareness and assisting in progress.  I am so proud of my brother at this moment - well, I always have been.  He's just an incredible guy.

Missing You

Missing you big brother.  All these songs that play on the radio, scriptures I read in my Bible, movies and shows on TV... memories of you.  Last week on One Tree Hill they did an episode dedicated to John Hughes, who has also been called home to the city in the sky.  All these scenes, from Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink... reminded me of one of your short films.  I chuckled, then I cried.  I posted a few songs on your FB profile, and it reminded me, that I need to start living my life to the fullest, as you did.  I'm still learning, a student without her great teacher... I know you'll speak to me, I patiently wait and will listen when you do.

Who knew, all it takes is guts!

So, I went to the GI last Monday, she was so awesome.  And, guess what, she had a 2010 Colondar in her office.  I knew Shawn had a hand in my being there to see her in the first place, but she confirmed that, when she told me that I could call her my "poop" doctor.  Guess that means, I am able to tell my very own poop stories now, like Shawn.  Well, I have been having some issues for the last couple years, but this year, I have been getting a lot of upper respiratory infections and stuff.  Apparently, I have no healthy flora in my colon, and so, I have no immune system.  No one told me, all the antibiotics I was being prescribed by my primary doctor, would destroy my immune system in the process of cleaning up whatever latest infection I had.  So, now I know.  This coming Friday, I get my very first colonoscopy, oh the joy!  For now, I am taking lots of peptobismol tablets, eating lots of fiber (usually, in the form of nasty psyllium husk powder), taking digestive enzymes and going vigorous on probiotics.  My stomach is in knots all the time.  No matter how much it sucks, I really cannot complain too much, because I know that it sucks even worse for so many others that are going through far worse stuff than I.  For now, all I know is that I need to rebuild my healthy flora and my immune system.  My GI says this should also help lower my blood lipids, my high blood pressure and even help me to lose weight.  Well, that would be very awesome.  I am hoping for no bad news on the colonoscopy, either way, the old saying that no news is good news isn't necessarily true - if you never get checked, and get any kind of news, the not knowing is never good.  If that makes sense.  I am a little anxious about it, to be honest, but part of me is very relieved that I am finally getting it done.  Shawn would want me to do that, and I think, in a sense, getting it done is a way to honor him now.  Besides, I really need to get rid of all these noises that make people stare, they probably think I need an exorcism - the ramblings are that scary.  LOL.

Random Ramblings!

Today, I was sitting at work when I suddenly received a text message, I just get so gitty over this text thing now that my husband finally added this feature to our phones (previously, only our teenagers had it).  So, I open my message and it simply says "thx" from my husband.  I sat there for a moment, wondering, what had I done that was so special.  I was oblivious, I couldn't recall one thing I had done for him this morning that would have earned me a "thx".  So, I text him back "for what?".  Waiting, still waiting.  Ah, there it is, the answer.... "for being my wife"!   A diamond ring could not have made my heart pitter patter any more than it did at that very moment.  Well, he could still get me a diamond ring, it could be like the cherry on my sundae.  LOL.

I logged onto facebook tonight to feed my fish in fishville (obviously) and a thought suddenly occured to me.  If I wanted to care for a tank full of fish, I work at Petsmart!  Hello?  And, maybe just out of habit, I start to harvest my crops in farmville.  Soon, followed by a smack in the head, triggering a moment of clarity.  If I am too lazy to feed my fish right now, do I really have the energy to harvest crops, plant crops and attend to my hundreds of farm animals ready for brushing, milking and plucking?  Um, no!  If someone was thoughtful enough to send me an energy pack (that sadly, use to be like caffeine to me), I may have been wired enough to navigate through mafia wars for a while.  But, I didn't.  And tonight, I will skip jungle jewels as well.  The stuff we get sucked into while we're passing the time... and wow, does it ever go so fast when we're doing it.  I would say, I really should find something more constructive, that doesn't involve the internet, but now... I'm entertaining myself with this blog.  LOL.

Inspired by Felt: Why a Blog?

My brother, Shawn "Felt" Felty (featured profile photo) passed away in December 13, 2009.  As I sit here in the late hours of the night (as we night owls do), I ponder (because I am usually bored and fighting the urge to sleep like a normal person)... how can I honor Shawn's memory, what can I do to draw even closer to him, keep his spirit alive, live a life of which he would be proud?  Well, I'm married - so, none of that serial dating for me. First instinct when my computer starts screwing up is to grab a sledge hammer, every IT guy's worst nightmare.  But, I wouldn't know that for certain?  Playing sports is not for me. Well, I should say, it might be for me - but, no one would be stupid enough to put me on their team... not even Shawn. But, blogs on the other hand?  Shawn loved those (not that you can tell) and that, I can do! I might not be as entertaining as my older brother, he's a tough act to follow.  He made us laugh, he made us cry, he made us go "Hmmm", followed by an awkward silence as we pondered for a moment (often in disbelief) as our minds registered "did he just say that?".  I'm going to give it a shot though.  If Shawn has taught us nothing else (actually, he taught us lots of stuff... useful or not) he would want us all to throw ourselves out there... REALLY OUT THERE.  So, since I am afraid of heights, and there is no bleeping way I am jumping out of a plane to sky dive... I'm going to close my eyes and leap into my very own blog.  Well, actually, after I post this introduction, I am going to close my eyes and get some sleep (mainly because my husband is yelling at me to come to bed) - and, blog again tomorrow.  ;-)